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Otherworldly. The sky brings to mind a sunset on Titan, while the long exposure makes the sea look as if it’s foggy methane, the twin-suns sort-of ruins it though. ;-)
(via meaculpable)
Masochism
Is there a fetish for people who like to have pain done to them?
Of course there is. Come join Fetlife.com, you’ll find plenty of like minded folk.
Insist on Yourself: Part twenty seven of...? (Violence)
With The International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers closely upon us, I thought it would prudent to discuss the small acts of violence that are most often overlooked. (via misskatehate)
On expectations, milestones, and potentials
N’s date a few days ago came and went.
I was so excited I had butterflies in my stomach, and when N said it was like an awkward first-date, I felt slightly deflated. I think I may have set my expectations too high; just because N and I tend to move rather rapidly—through our emotions, thoughts, etc.—doesn’t mean that all our relationships will work the same way. In fact, isn’t variety one of the reasons people enter into a polyamorous relationship? Overall, I shouldn’t have expected either of us to enter into another relationship so quickly.
I’m not sure I’ll do this with all our potential partners, but as we’re just starting out, I feel compelled to list our current potentials. So without too much dithering, and for a little more context, I’ll begin with how we met.
N and I met at a party of a mutual friend of ours, we didn’t talk much, and I had to leave early, but we did make an impression. I first noticed N when I saw her holding the attentions of six guys, half of whom were gay. I wasn’t in the most social mood, but I approached her anyhow; I don’t think I’d actually said anything to her directly, before she asked, “Are you gay?”
I laughed. I was about to reply but was interrupted by one of the other guys in our immediate group. The conversation ebbed and flowed, and by way of getting drinks, we ended up sitting with each other, just the two of us. We talked some, and just before I had to leave we exchanged numbers.
A few days later N messaged me, asking whether or not I was free to meet her. I messaged no, but then I sent a second message asking if she’d like to meet me another time. Here we are now some year and some change later, and N is still holding the attention of multiple guys.
The first of N’s interests is D. They met a few months ago, at another party. They talked and N felt that they had a connection. She mentioned that were she not in a relationship, she would have loved to see him again. She wasn’t expecting to see him again as he was an outsider at the party, so when he turned up at a club N was at a few weeks ago, she couldn’t help but feel that things were meant to happen. They had a date a few days ago, and they’re looking to see each other again soon.
B and N have known each other for years, they’d been in a few of the same social circles, and there was a time when they were interested in each other, but circumstances weren’t conducive to their getting together. Recently B returned from working overseas, and he contacted N within days of returning. While nothing’s been set, she’s confident that at the very least they’ll have some fun.
Finally, there’s C. C was a cheeky flirt that N thought would be a lot of fun to be with. They had a date about a week ago, which did turn out fun. N was planning on seeing C again, but with D, and C coming to the fore, it may be some time before anything else happens.
I only have one potential—M—at the moment, I’ve been too busy with work to socialise to the extent N has. I’ve known M for about two years, and just before I met N, M and I nearly got together. I recently messaged him informing him of the change in the relationship N and I have, and he’s sent a very positive reply. He mentioned that he’s been fantasising about me for over a year now, so I’m very excited to see him.
So that’s our current potential partners; N has B, C, and D, and if you include me—A—it looks like she’s working her way through the alphabet. I’ve jumped straight to M, who seems keen to rush things, and you know something, I’m rather looking forward to it. :-D
I still need an avatar
So a while back my girlfriend N, said she wanted to be a stripper, and I said, “Yeah! You should do it!”
That is, of course, a paraphrase.
Prior to her wanting to be a stripper N had used the phrase, “I’d turn to prostitution before I went back to [previous job],” on occasion to express her distaste for various jobs. Even though I have friends in the industry, and had been in a relationship with a sex worker before, I still didn’t think of stripping as just another job, so I dismissed her use of the phrase for a throw-away expression. As it became apparent that N was serious about stripping, I gave her what I thought was calm measured support for however she wanted to earn a living, it was months later that I found out that she’d interpreted my calm support as enthusiastic encouragement. Hence the paraphrase.
Whilst N worked towards being a stripper, and once she had started to strip, worked at improving her skills, I became increasingly interested in how she would interact with her clients. I asked for details regarding how she would react in certain situations, how would she deal with displeasing behaviour. What sort of response does she elicit from her actions, how does she segue from conversation to making money? While I learnt a lot, it was my reaction to her responses that set forth the next stage in our relationship.
When N started stripping, her primary motivation was to earn money, but she quickly found other aspects of the work enjoyable: the outrageous flirting, the reversal of sexual conventions, and the potential for personal growth she had not realised was possible within the industry. As N got into the swing of being a stripper, and I continued my curious questioning, she was surprised at how I reacted to her answers. She knew I was fine with her being a stripper, but my—beaming—reactions indicated that I was more that just fine with it.
I know everyone says it, but our relationship is based on trust and integrity; we are both rather forthright, preferring to be blunt and to the point to eachother, even if it may cause some short-term grief, knowing that in the long-term it’ll work out for the better (though I must say that N is the more direct of the two of us, I tend to be somewhat politic, and may equivocate as I make up my mind).
So on that basis, we talk very openly about everything, including our past relationships, giving details where necessary, and not shirking from talking about the wrongs we’d committed. So it was very early on that we knew we were bi, had been involved in, or had had thoughts of non-conventional relationships, and a sundry of other matters.
Something that I’d mentioned several times during our talks was polyamory. We’d had brief conversations regarding it, but it was a long while before I introduced her to some of the literature concerning it. As she researched polyamory, she realised that it was something that she had wanted years ago, but was not in a position to put it into practice. While I believe we would have eventually found our way to polyamory, N’s awareness of the growing personal and sexual freedom she developed from stripping—combined with my reactions to her tales from work—accelerated our path to polyamory.
That brings us up to now.
Tomorrow—later today—N will be meeting someone—D—she feels she has a connection with. She’s met others that she’s fancied before, and has had dalliances them, but tomorrow is for both of us a true test of our commitment to each other, and to the lifestyle we have chosen.
When N began stripping, she spoke of needing to work on her stripper persona. In my mind she no longer needs a stripper persona, she just needs to draw on who she’s become.